From time to time I like to relax by writing about the things in life I treasure. Today I honor my pets.
Less filling; they’re great! No, not beer. Even though I do enjoy the beverage I’m referring to my darling greyhounds, Nevada and Lexi. The tan boy and the black girl dog; the old and the young. These days seeing the world through the eyes of my senior dog Nevada and my vivacious little Lexi has been an education. A study in contrasts. Together they teach me to savor the moment and to relish spontaneity.
I began looking for my first canine companion several years ago. How does a first-time dog owner choose a breed? There are so many different breeds! They say that dogs resemble their owners but what draws a person to a certain dog? Or, maybe the question is: what draws a dog to a person? I did an awful lot of research; but my mind was made up when my son and I went to the dog show. As soon as we walked in the door of the arena we saw the greyhound ambassadors from Colorado Greyhound Adoption. The dogs were so still and quiet. I fell in love with their gentle manner and their incredible physiques.
I started the adoption process and was lucky enough to be matched with the perfect first dog. Nevada joined our family on Labor Day weekend seven years ago. He’s been the most patient dog teacher for me. And a happy-go-lucky goofball. The sweet old guy will be 13 next month.
I never planned to have more than one dog, but a female greyhound came two months later as company for Nevada. Solo was one of those dogs that just happen to show up when you didn’t even realize how much you needed them. My sensitive little shadow who seemed to understand my every emotion. Even though it seemed far too soon to say goodbye we lost her in August last year.
This time we needed a companion for us as well as for Nevada. The hole Solo left was just too big for us to bear. Enter Lexi. Lexi was adopted in November, a baby at just three years old. She’s full of energy and enthusiasm and curiosity. And she’s a sweetheart who likes to cuddle and bury her head under my arm to get as close as possible. Lexi is always a step ahead of me which keeps me on my toes.
These days we take lots of walks. Slow, plodding walks that exercise Nevada’s nose more than his legs. And then one, or even two more extended walks to wear out my energetic little girl. My dogs teach me to stop and smell the grasses….or at least to hang tight they water them. They teach me that a straight line may be the quickest, but it’s not always the most interesting path. And most important, my gorgeous greyhounds teach me that inside their athletic, muscular chests beats the biggest hearts I could ever imagine.
Diversion. Distraction. As a new mother I learned to say “jump up,” when my toddler fell. Now more than two decades later, I’m telling myself that the fall didn’t hurt so much. I’m really ok. I just need to brush the dirt off my knees, get a quick hug and keep on going. This isn’t about ignoring real pain–it’s shifting my attention towards higher ground.
When I hit a real rough patch, nothing says Taking Care like calling my VIGs–my Very Important Girlfriends. Even though inertia may be working against me. Even though the last thing I want to do is get dressed and leave the house. Even though I think I’d rather sink into my sorrow. If I pick up the phone and call on my VIGs, I can instantly create the most pleasant diversion.
Creating something to look forward to is the key. Last week during one of those really rough patches I sent some emails and made some calls in spite of a deep, dark funk. They all said to call if I needed them; and I needed them. Of course, because they’re my darling VIGs, they all said yes. We had lunch. We went to the movies. In one instance a VIG and her baby even showed up on my doorstep! And let me just say that nothing takes away the blues like holding a baby.
I also tried a new Taking Care strategy last week–the art of distraction. Before the girlfriend dates were set, I noticed that crying more than a couple of times a day made me label the whole day as bad. What if I made a list of all the good things I do for myself every day? A Taking Care list. Even if the list had only one thing on it I figured I was ahead. Did you get out of bed? And eat breakfast? Write it down. Did you take your vitamins? Write that down too. Did you walk the dogs? You get the idea.
By the end of the week I had seven slips of paper that proved I could get through a moment… and then an hour… and even another day. I surprised myself by how many good things I could do for myself in a day. A distraction. Now all the days feel like good days with some crying thrown in. Maybe even a lot of crying. It doesn’t matter now. Because I’ve shifted my focus towards Taking Care of me.
Start the day with a good breakfast. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. And get a good night’s sleep. For those of you who haven’t clicked away from this page–just kidding. We already know about taking care in those basic ways. We figure out what works. We do what we think is important and filter the rest of the advice. I’d like to suggest a way to take care of yourself that involves something a little more subtle–the power of word choice.
In my original Coping Strategies post I briefly mentioned the difference between saying I need to or should do something and saying I want to do it. If everything on your task list is a should message or a have-to then nothing really feels like a choice. Yes, I know that I should get up early to get some chores done before I leave. If I say instead, that I want to get up to get a good start on the day then I’ve easily made a positive impact on my life. I allow myself to make positive choices.
The most powerful example of language was explained to me by a counselor several years ago. It has to do with the way we talk about our feelings. I have feelings yet I am not my feelings. I may feel sad. And sometimes I feel angry. But those feelings are not me. I retrained myself to avoid saying, “I am angry, or I am lonely.” It’s all in the power of the statement “I am.”
Positive feelings are the ones I want to embody. So for those ideas I use “I am” statements. Yes, I am happy and I am courageous and maybe I am a bit sassy from time to time. I Take Care of myself by taking charge of the language that defines me. It’s all in the power of the words I choose.
The third Coping Strategy is “Getting Outside”. I did my morning journaling outside on the deck today. It was the first time since last fall. Glorious! I spent the late afternoon yesterday sweeping away the dead leaves and the aspen tree caterpillars. Spring cleaning outside. Clearing the withered foliage makes space for new growth.
All the outdoor tasks help to soothe my aching heart. I just passed the one month anniversary of my mother’s passing. Now that a month has gone by I feel the loss more deeply. I measure time by reliving every moment I experienced a month ago. As if recalling will somehow reconfigure the past. I long for the numbing effect that comes with startling news.
Getting outside helps a little if I let it. It allows me to feel in a gentle way. Sitting outside listening to the birds and bugs, I attune to all the life buzzing around me. Walking my dogs, I view the world through curious noses and happy tails. Turning the loose soil in the vegetable beds, I anticipate a fruitful summer. The rhythms of life bring me back to the now. And I find my heart’s ease in the beauty of the earth.
I woke up this morning qestioning my coping strategies. I know that they work beautifully for me when I’m functioning as an individual. There’s another dimension to stress when you add a partner. How can I develop effective strategies to handle relationship stress? In challenging times I want to put more focus on asking for help.
We’ve been working hard these past few weeks. There have been rehearsals nearly every night. We’ve worked on the weekends. And more rehearsals for me during the day. My husband is up before the crack of dawn every day to teach school. It’s been tough to talk and to connect. And even tougher to reach out.
I’m managing my stress during the day yet when evening comes around it feels familiar to retreat into my separate self. Hiding in my tortoise shell I feel lonely and alone. Despite my list of coping strategies and my best intentions somehow fear clouds my thinking.
This is exactly the time I could ask for help and receive much needed support. And I can do that if I plan ahead. I’ll set an intention to make a request and trust that my needs will be met. Some gently whispered words of encouragement are what I need most. After a long day and an even longer night, when he’s trudging up the stairs to fall into bed, I’ll ask for help.
I’ve always loved to cook for others. It’s one of the ways I show my love. Every step of the process is a gift–spending time planning, shopping for ingredients, preparing the meal. And then you get to dine together. Once my life status changed from full-time parent to empty-nester I began to appreciate the joy of cooking for myself. One of my favorite things to cook for myself is soup.
A nourishing and hearty bowl of love. My husband likes to try my concoctions but soup is not a meal for him. So I can be a bit selfish with this dish. The only person I really want to please is me. Some weeks I’ll eat soup every single day of the week. Reminding myself as the days go by how good it feels to take care of myself. Last fall I made pot after pot of Portuguese Kale and Sausage Soup. Using the kale from my vegetable garden made the soup even better. Mmmmm!
I have a dear friend who hosts a soup and bread night once a week for hungry college students. Not only is she being creative; it’s her way to serve. She’s a gifted, intuitive cook who makes up all kinds of fantastic soups from whatever ingredients are on hand. When I marvel at her creativity she laughs and points out that you can make anything taste great with enough olive oil!
Would you like to make soup with your kids? I recommend “ Blue Moon Soup.” It’s a really fun cookbook for kids filled with tasty recipes and charming illustrations. Included are soups for every season. I discovered the book a few years ago but a recent trip to the website revealed online recipes and even plans to launch a kids cooking show.
If getting really creative is your thing I love “A New Way to Cook” by Sally Schneider. The “new” refers to healthy, lower fat preparations for classic cooking techniques. I’ve been using this cookbook regularly for the past six months and have been really pleased with the results. The author gives you some basic guidelines and then suggests variations to make each dish your own. This book is chock full of delicious and healthy ideas and the soup section is fantastic! It inspired me to make my own rich stock from roasted bones and vegetables.
Soup can be pretty simple too. All you need are some veggies you like, canned broth, rice or pasta and a protein. It’s such a good feeling to know you’re making something nourishing and the cooking aromas are divine! Now it’s time to reach for my well worn copy of “The Vegetarian Epicure” by Anna Thomas and make a pot of Pea Soup with Butter Dumplings. What a great way to celebrate Spring!
How do you cope with life’s ups and downs? It can be a tremendous challenge to stay on track when you feel low.Through several years of trial and error I’ve developed my own personal tool kit of strategies. Coping strategies come into play for me when an entire month is over-scheduled or when I’m hurting from disappointment or loss. Wouldn’t it be great if we could teach our kids some tools to help deal with the tough times they’ll face now and as adults?
Here is my basic set of tools:
Be Gentle
Take Care of Myself
Get Outside
Ask for Help
Be Creative
Be Gentle. This is number one on my list because it’s the toughest for me to remember. When you live by the calendar and the schedule and the clock it’s easy to push yourself too hard. And that’s precisely why we need extra special self-care. For me this can mean anything from closing my eyes and taking deep breaths to taking the time to sit down and eat slowly. In the smallest way I try to slow my pace. In addition I focus on the voice inside my head and switch my internal soundtrack to a more forgiving channel.
Take Care of Myself. A recent addition to my tool box is separating my “want to do” list from my “should” list. This category also includes a few details that assure life is running smoothly in spite of any outside chaos. I regularly stock up on healthy foods so I have good choices available at home, in my handbag and in the car. Often I’ll make a big pot of stew that I may end up eating all week. And I make sure I have a couple of fool-proof outfits in flattering colors clean and ready to go. That way I know I’ll look better than I might feel.
Get Outside. There’s nothing like taking a walk to keep me quite literally grounded. I may not always have enough time to work out or I may not even feel like exercising–but I can usually find the time to take a short walk or sit on the deck.Being outside helps show us where we fit in the world. While walking I can look down and see the tiniest beetle; then look up and see the expansive mountains–and know that all is well in the universe.
Ask for Help. This one has also been hard for me to learn. I started small–my journal is full of little prayers asking,”may I have help with that?” What assures me is I always receive an answer. After loads of practice asking God, now I reach out to people too.
Be Creative. Stress and loss and pain feel destructive. When I direct that negative energy towards creating I gain a positive outlet. For me, creativity can be small like placing wildflowers in a vase or bigger, like making a shrine of mementos and photos. One way I multi-task my coping strategies is to make soup–I’m creating and taking care of myself at the same time.
What is practice? Why do musicians practice? What about other artists like painters and writers and photographers? It seems like they just go out and do. Yoda would be proud–”do or do not. There is no try.” Well, really painters and photographers are developing their eyes and writers are developing their voice. Musicians are closer to dancers in their practice. We work on developing our artistic expression while training like athletes.
Certain fundamentals like scales, arpeggios, broken thirds form the basis for most music. Daily practice of these strengthens the muscles while allowing fluidity and flexibility. The goal is to see a passage on the page and let the fingers just fly. This is practice for the future.
There is also practice for the present. This is the study of pieces to be prepared for private lessons or ensemble classes. To get immediate results, a student needs to break their piece down into different sections–melodic sections, technically challenging sections, rhythmically challenging sections. This is the practice that’s great for the brain–it’s problem solving!
I’m fascinated to read about competitive athletes preparations. They too work on strength, endurance, flexibility and they also spend a lot of time on their mental game. How can we add this kind of practice to our students’ routines? So often in lessons a student will hurl her bow toward the string and then wonder why a beautiful melody didn’t spring forth. I like to train my students to mentally prepare by playing the piece in their head before they move a muscle. Focus. Hear the music. Take a breath. Play. It works like a charm!
And just like athletes, the steps we repeat reinforce the outcomes we achieve. Slap the bow on the string to start every piece? Chances are you’ll begin with a crunch at the Spring Recital. Repeat the same mistakes every time you practice? It’s more than likely you’ll make the same mistakes at Solo and Ensemble Contest. Take a little extra time to work on your fundamentals, to think about the details and listen to yourself. Remember: practice doesn’t make perfect; practice makes permanent!
